You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
