We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
