Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
