p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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