I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
