i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
pray to the hookup gods
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize