I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
