the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
