so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
