the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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