FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
