she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize