how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
