I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
People in love make me want to vomit
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
