Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
