Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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