it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
