Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
