Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
