In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
