My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
