I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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