My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
