As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
