saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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