Im at strip club and am horny
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
