drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
