wrigley field is MILF paradise
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
