I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
