i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
FUCK WHALES
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
