dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
