I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
