some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize