This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
