Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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