he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
