YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize