Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
