Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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