I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
