I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
