if you like me you must not know who I am
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize