never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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