Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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