where am i from again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
