So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
