Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize