she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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