a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
