I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just google imaged poop.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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