I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
