I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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