Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
