What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
