hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
