How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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