Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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