I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
