Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
True strength comes from lack of pants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
