sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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