Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
