New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
