Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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