Do you still have your period?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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