Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
