I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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