Redeem this text for a blowjob
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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