I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
