just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this will be a night to untag.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
