sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
