I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just google imaged poop.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
