My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
