We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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