Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
