We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
